Much Needed Help Goes Belly-Up

The thought of touching them makes my blood run cold. The thought of looking into their eyes nearly kills me. It doesn't matter who they are the only difference is how horrible it seems. It's worse with them because I can't stop looking. I long to touch them, but it makes my skin crawl all the same. What have they done to me? I'm terrified that they're the only thing I'll ever be able to concentrate on, but also that I'll never see them again. A blood-thirsty monster who has changed me for the better.

Except in most versions of this story, I'm the "monster" and they are the only person who understands that I mean no harm. I'm monstrous because I don't function like others. It's not my fault I was dealt a bad hand at the start of the game of living and have been trying to make up for it whilst also doing the work everyone else was focusing on. I'm holding the controller, but I don't know how to use it. When their around the controller somehow makes sense. It uncodes and I use it with ease. When they aren't present I hold on to the memories of how the thing works as tightly as I can.

People think I'm insane or madly in love, but I just found a real friend for the first time. I don't get the difference between platonic and romantic. Person-to-person contact is a surefire way to cause sensory overload, but a lack is under-stimulating. They respect my boundaries when no one else will because "nobody else minds x, so why is it an issue?". My life is a horror story, but no one gets it. The endings everyone is looking for will never come.

I'll stay in my cave only leaving periodically to visit them. They are the only thing worth leaving the comfort and security of my cave for because the things that are normally bad I have more control over when their around. I think their help has inadvertently made existing in the world without them harder. I'm beginning to drown in my bucket of woes as it fills to overflowing now that I'm faced with the cold hard world again having experienced joy for the first time on a large scale. Life was hard before, but it's harder now that I know what it could be.