A Bridge o’er troubled housing donnybrook blight

Strewn like scattershot,

I unearthed tattered bits

think shroud of Turin

for benevolent salvation

couched within substantial

backed up electronic archive

once we got told VAMOOSE

from mouse and roach infested dive

within MainLine snooty hive

of Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania.

Now yours truly

can revisit the past with delight

without fear of eviction

forcing him to take flight,

nevertheless yours truly hopes

former nadir can be complemented

by experiencing fanciful rags

to riches metaphorical height.

The following communiqué birthed

out the scrambled noggin of this chap

courtesy midwife viz Google

to help me validate NOT misspelling

without causing figurative gums

(of stodgy English majors) to flap,

when clarification arose to corroborate

to then property manager

here at Highland Manor Jackie Geiger

presumed definition of various words

clarification regarding domestic crisis

appended with subsequent

broad literary brush strokes,

for eyes of residential management,

who might help map

our way onto positive destiny –

(that long since became a done deal)

so don’t coon sitter this gibberish pap,

intent to broadcast poetic plea

per parti-colored newsletter

sew we zippered up suitcases with a snap.

Feel free to ketchup with chat up

a positive future conversation

sans long-term accommodation,

now passed thru ladies chain

and do-si-do the corporate

cyber net flittering,

snapchatting, twittering miasma

for sought after assistance -

(date of spluttering gobbledygook

long since elapsed)

beef - fore this bleak housed

haunted man outlook perished

then unable to pry

ice cold fingers loose

from frigidaire personal home life travail,

now tis time this ruse stirred, glommed, and

dashed off digital squawking

as mine trumpeting missive

regarding this youthful looking primate

deplorable basket case.

Ah...when as many decades ago younger dude,

dapper daddy done donning daily diaper duty

dem whar da good ole days, when chased

by prospective missus cluck

(waving iron skillet -

sought to recaptcha me), I tried to duck,

now once we happened to be

down on our ill luck

with barely any money to our name,

thank yours truly

we lived gnarled hand to mouth

mired in monetary muck,

our circumstances appeared stuck

and...oh...how the temptation

doth tempted me to hightail and truck.

Boot...where in tarnation

(without any featherbed)

would I go once exiting the front door

truth be told, we ne'er

got any monetary windfall -

thus living financially

precarious quite a chore

nyat, none, and nada endowment

from that rich Uncle Sam –

Asia last-ditch effort,

a manger horse stall

might be our abode and nay bore –

unless weak could have ponied up,

to git off the carousel of time,

and shimmy atop a Clydesdale to coax fate

with mucho moolah

for this Harris son to adore.

Thee crisis of legal tender,

thus found fingers flew across

QWERTY keyboard with message

then upon Lenovo external screen I emboss

Typing SOS to communicate

pennilessness plight, which loess

on par with ma penury and dirt poor status,

where hide feign to be moss

heart reincarnated, though unsure

if that faux role would be a toss

up, and bring a happy good luck

penny-wise outcome sans place to live.

Asthma non-sequitur linkedin

with Jar Jar Binks, we felt cramped

buffered aspirin like

Bing bottled up in Lower Merion

fugetaboutit no matter rent

twas rather steep,

we chose this residence so youngest darling

thee then seventeen year old daughter

could continue to attend

said storied school district,

(who nevertheless subsequently

decided to live with

mine sweeping damn the torpedoes

younger sister dwelling in Bend, Oregon),

while eldest matriculated as Freshman

at The University of Pennsylvania

long since original writing,

me and the missus now inhabit

the one bedroom apartment

located in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania.

Long story short -

cuz unabridged version would resort

into infinite space/time continuum beyond,

with silent sonic boom solace from words

echoing sounds of silence

viz this ethereal bulletin,

and would drive one to down a quart

of the strongest ale, gasoline, stout or port

which contraction of mine logorrhea,

would justify me be taken to people's court.

Leaving no time to watch Wallace and Gromit,

who claimed moon iz made out of cheese,

or mice elf to be cagy, nor monkey around

though with focused energy

loosed caboose doth bound,

this wordsmith id est,

a zoological muggle self crowned

aspired to avail Avast goody bag proffered

this shout out for good n plenti Samaritan -

Indeed hoop fully redound

while corporeal of mine essence earthbound -

barring a place for us tubby found

before lease at 724 West Railroad Avenue,

Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania expired,

AND WOULD NOT BE RENEWED.

Then I was prone to live underground

or maybe share a doghouse

with Beagle, Boxer Dalmatian Bred Greyhound,

which dog gone dome main

recognizable by a little mound

while macabre music

set to the words of Ezra Pound

with slow crescendo to suspenseful sound

counterbalanced when relief

of amenable accommodations

inducing me to issue

a mighty exhalation of tension unwound.

An average sized house to rent

would have done the trick

strong n sturdy habitat,

nah nothing exceptionally slick

oh, and spouse also hoped

to acquire social security quick,

no matter the odds to locate an affordable

one or two bedroom square flat,

or even a moon unit shaped like obelisk

portrayed in 2001 A Space Odyssey

might be slim pick

kin - all rhyme aside -

finagling words gave me a kick/

jump starter, I NEEDED/WANTED

A SAFE n SECURE PLACE -

where methinks in retrospect

(a penniless po’ papa prophet)

living quarters can be icon class hick

and freely type out this,

that, or another rhyming lick

whence literary product

analogously strong as stone and/or brick.

Before experiencing deliverance

while hands tightly clasped invoking

broken wing and prayer

genuine appreciation...communication,

and elation will likely (did) ascend

hash tagging thee as unsung

fur - vent underdog hero

on par with opera staring

voicing sotto voce beneficence,

invoking me to do calisthenics backward

as if made from papier-mache

origami pliable to bend

wonders if this electronic effort

will ease anxiety that doth expend

and zap willpower ambition

to sustain optimism, and...well...

ya could beak comb an instant karma omg -

spontaneous sought after friend

this amiable good fella recognizing salvation

qua re: as goddess or godsend

to perform property caretaker tasks

these strong hands lend

broken mechanical appliances,

that requires attention to mend

if necessary provide financial

compensation deep - pend

Mutual (of Omaha –

and the ghost of Carl Perkins)

agreeable contractual obligation will rend

er Vis a vis zit heady costs to spend

so peace of body, mind n spirit,

this husband and wife team can tend

perhaps experiencing marital contentment

as their parallel lives

intertwine and separately wend.

Since all gold plated

suburban grates unavailable they went

like hot cakes, nor premium

heavy metal city vent

left, this wordsmith would hate

to be camped in an uber tent,

which would frankly zappa

my health and force measly money

on bare necessities to stay safe strunk and

white elements of style,

wood beg to be spent

thus this chap wonders

if maintenance tasks acceptable

in lieu of skipping part of thee rent

admits to quality

as a mild mannered married civil

(non warring) Yankee gent.

Though lacking an earned income

(social security saving grace

courtesy disability panic attacks

in tandem with anxiety -

mitigated with pharmacological medication)

daydream rich folks galore

could stage fund raising event,

which rally round the flag boys -

may invite juiced a dent

aye dune hot own even one red cent,

where bad company doth tempt

pest fugit, who doth recapitulate

and be wu tang clan dost stein

amidst/ amongst foghat village people,

when limbs numb and bent

turn attention to superman, maxwell, batman,

or....another dub - bull

land o' Lake Lachrymose agent.

Ignore, Abort, Retry,

Fail error message

an MS-DOS or Windows

command line error

do not COMB H - E - L - P ---

before the (long since elapsed)

stroke o' mid knight of 30 June

SPRING TWO THOUSAND AND SEVENTEEN

WE GOT TO MOVE ASAP,

PER MINE KING DUMB COMB

AND HIS ROOKY of a mercurial QUEEN.

Postscript: that twas the news

from Lake Woebegone

gripped with an undeniable

and irrepressible under tone

where this papa iz quick

with a double entendre and/or pun

sometimes even bringing a guffaw

to thee momma – hun,

when either one or more offspring

bid fare thee well when parenting done

tis startling to reconstitute such –

figurative bun in the oven (if guided

with Plenti of Joyous Hi5’s )

progeny become Linkedin

Match less among anon

nee mouse Crowdsource sing, Groupon Living

social twittering chattering class.