Bombs away!

Dear Reader,

I wish I could tell you that you're going to survive this. The letter you just opened was filled with a heinous monstrosity of a fart and sealed. As the stench of beans, onions, eggs, a tinge of garlic all mixed with a spice mix from hell continues to waft in the air, I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I made the mistake of making friends with Neanderthals who threatened me with farts of their own if I did not perform this prank. I was terrified because they seem to have stomachs of steel, able to digest even the most unpalatable cuisine. If what they ate smelled bad going in, I shudder to witness the smell of it going out. Again I ask your forgiveness for this erroneous violation of your person. I truly hope you will someday regain your faith in humanity as well as your olfactory capabilities and once again be up to smelling the flowers.

Yours Regretfully,

Stinky.