My Invisible Assailant

It’s been quite some time my friend.

And to think I had gotten rid of your abuse,

Your torture.

Your grasp pins me to the bed.

I lie awake on every single night

For hours, not breathing correctly.

Sometimes not breathing at all.

I’m thinking too much about the present

And I can’t think about the future.

To think of my past feels like a death sentence

That I have no chance of getting out of.

You even pop up when I’m surrounded by others

But this time you’ve pinned me in the bathroom stall

Hot tears flooding down my cheeks.

I reach my chest to catch somewhat of a breath.

I’m ashamed to tell people why I can’t go out.

I don’t tell them about you.

I don’t say you’re around when you are.

I don’t make any connections between you and me.

But there are so many connections between us, aren’t there?

You’re the rapid heartbeat that breaks my chest.

You’re the feeling of falling when I’m standing up.

They throw pills at me

Telling me to get better.

I tell them about you and they laugh.

See?

Isn’t that crazy?

They laugh at you.

Isn’t that what I should do?

But I can’t.

Your power is too much.

I can’t grab ahold of you.

Your movements are quick,

Although you tend to linger

For long periods of time.

One day.

I know that one day I will beat you.

And on that day,

I will stand tall like a skyscraper

And tower over you

The same way you have towered over me.

For all these years I have been confined.

I know that I will come out victorious.