She would say less each time we talked, moving a bit farther away from me in her body and mind, as the healing words disappear from her mind like morning fog. She was no longer the same angel I knew, the one piece of joy that kept me sane for so long. She was my guardian, my protector, until she was no longer. We were more than strangers or foes now. I was none existent in her eyes, which was worse than anything that happens to anybody.
Though repeatedly I tried to sew back what I reaped from its roots, from her pure and innocent heart, but nothing was working to sway her spirit. Looking deep into her saddened, hurtful eyes was painful when she stared at mine like a dessert coyote. Nothing seemed to take over her loathing of my despicable actions; a painful scar one can never understand or master.
I could only witness sadness and small tears rolling on her face, hidden behind the hurt and sorrow reflecting on her eyes. Her subtle response would say all she felt inside. Her message was crystal clear, I just couldn’t let it go.
I guess once something you dearly loved is ruined, there is no replacement for it. Even if you’d magically put it together, deep down you know it never be same again. It just wouldn’t!
I wish everything could be back to the way it was. But that would never happen unless she refuses my invitation to meet each time I called her—she never declined any of it. As for me, I don’t have the stomach to let her go and erase her out of my mind and life forever.
For now, I just have to wait in vein for the feelings to ebb away. Maybe then, we’re both be on the same pages.