I was told a theory by a friend who has since passed ; Flashes of memory presenting itself before one's eyes when the possibility of death has reached N.earD.eathE.xperience levels, means they have lived their life in such a fulfilling manner that their subconscious is attempting- failsafing, whatever it is where our " consciousness " goes when our meat-vessels no longer host them. "Failsafing" in my friends theory he was presenting to me during our smoke break at the funeral of the third point in our now broken friend triangle, meant one was being sent off with the prerequisites to eliminate the possibility of them getting stuck in limbo due to a life they weren't happy with in some form.
He said that this doesn't necessarily mean they were happy all around or that they didn't leave strings untied , but that their life had been sufficiently lived and this is something decided unconsciously but does lay at the shallow end of whatever void we all have inside us.
I still wanted how or who or what inside us would be deciding this - is it something that is similar to evolution that isn't self aware but instead objective?
In my experience with death, I saw nothing & I consciously know how deeply limbo'd I'd be( if that really is a thing anyway ) if I did die then or even if I were to die now.
A life cut short before it peaks is the exception to " Only the Good Die young ".
Sometimes what had the potential to be good or even great - die middle aged, old.
The seceond thing that he said happens, was that blackness. Nothing.
He told me he was proud he too saw nothing the moments before we had almost died.
" If what I saw before we didn't die , but I for some reason Did die , I'd feel cheated and probably would be reincarnated into another baby being born and have to restart from scratch- "
I thought , man , what a way to say you're deeply unsatisfied with yourself and the impact you've had on the world thus far.
" Blackness , it's your soul's way of not failsafing itself so that it can be limbo'd and possibly reincarnated. It knows that it Needs another chance at that point in time and so it simply blows out the candle that would otherwise be lighting those memories into view that others say they've had witnessed "
He blew out smoke that came purely from the butt of the ciggarette , and flicked it against the gust of wind that made me give up on trying to light mine minutes earlier.
The butt traveled with the wind , into the open church door lobby I was halfway in myself.
It landed on a leaf. that began smoking just a bit. I look at him , and we make eye contact ; his sunglasses mirror what's behind me , first a swarm of fire like cool guys avoid looking at in the movies, - me imagining that a 'candle' he mentioned earlier, getting blown out by .. something , then .. Blackness. Nothing.
I guess we'll be meeting again soon, old friend.