All I Did Was Fall Asleep (true story)

All I did was fall asleep

Woke up pregnant with swollen feet

World went on locks and chains

And in a room I writhed in pain

Blood plum dropped from the womb

My baby died and the toilet was it's tomb

He said he prayed for it to happen

And silently, I did too

Two weeks later, I fell to fever

Bedridden with tachycardia

Autonomic dysfunction

A chronic condition

Eight ER visits without explanation

Was I dying?

I laid for years staring at that one window, grateful it was there so I could count the neighbors shingles

Daughter watched me disappear and detached to keep up good grades in school

The future looked bleak because no one knew what to do

Husband cracked, and became addicted to the devil

Slept with my best friend in my house while I meditated to the angel

My sister betrayed me and he did too

I lost my body, job, the love of my life, and a knife was wedged between what was real, wrong, right?

His family disowned me for being sick

They blamed me for everything that didn't fit

And husband exited, real quick

Leaving me in a daze, with her rabbit named Glitch on my lap, to go live with my parents

All colors of life and love were swallowed by the day I woke up sick

And I grieved the loss of it all, howling madly into my blankets

For again, no explanation was there to comfort me

He slept around some more

And terrorized me any chance he could get

I blamed my illness

And wanted to die

But my child needed me to be there even if all I could be was a mom with ears, confined

All the good times flooded in

And it stung like the sting from a 100 bees

It still hasn't sunk in

Three years later, I am still advocating for my return to life

Trying to rise from the ashes that fell upon me in the middle of that night

And I think to myself....

I sought out spiritualists, priests, nuns, doctors from every specialty and no one could help me....but me

I was ridiculed by my own family with words like: bum, whore, you have nothing going on for you, cripple, loser, and many more

But this morning, I backed out of the driveway with the help of a nomadic friend, rising sun shining on my smile, to look at my daughter, and saw that hell has it's attributes

And I am going to break the illusion

That something so surreal and devastating

Could last forever.