"Being alone doesn't mean being lonely." I read that and try to believe it. I try to look into the mirror, and smile. I try to whisper to myself that I'm fine. But that saddest part of being alone, is that there isn't even a voice there to whisper back that it's actually going to be okay.

No. I lied. The saddest part, is when I'm in a crowd of people. At school, or with "friends" and "family". Everyone's talking. Laughing. Then, there's me. I'm there, "participating", enjoying extroverted activities against my will. And yet, I leave sometimes worse than when I came. The disappointment of being there, but not being there. 

And others can't see it, either. I have this conflict inside of me. The loneliness versus the indifference verses the trying to live in the moment. It makes my face slanted. I look sometimes like I want to cry, but laugh at the funniest joke. Maybe I just look sick, because so many ask me what's wrong. I just wince, force a smile, or shake my head. 

Being alone, in general, is great for me. I love to spend that time to think, write, sing, be myself. But why, when it's in a public setting that I view myself, and others view me, as some weirdo who isn't social and hates people?

[Sighs. Picks up pencil and notebook and walks out.]