how long?

how long have you watched me love you and thought what an idiot?

thought, just because she thinks it, doesn’t make it true.

how many times have you cursed yourself

for losing the love you had?

not wanting to say or admit it,

but there is another in your head when we go to bed.

how many times have you just decided fuck it, that’s it?

but i know none of these questions will ever get answered,

like how long have you felt this way?

was it before i jumped?

what changed?

what did i do?

was i a fool to believe you ever really loved me?

or are you just not the person i thought you were?

i guess you can give everything you’ve got,

make no mistakes and still lose.

i’ve lost everything,

it’s like i just woke up one day in a new state

and your love for me had vanished.

because why?

i wasn’t there to control your descent into hell,

letting the monster hold your hand instead.

that’s such a cop out.