Screams of Silence
Yes I am guilty as charged with
Crimes of the body.
Not the heart,
Silence screams of shame
Screams of guilt
Screams of regret
Screams of fear.
Fear of loosing
The best thing ever to happen
In my life.
I understand if she says
She can’t do this anymore
While hoping and praying
I fucked up,
Scars to her soul
My actions have made.
Silence is a sign of remorse
Silence is me keeping my lunch down because if I speak I’m likely to puke it up with shame and guilt, Knowing how badly I fucked everything up.
Silence is me praying
Praying for her to find some sliver
Of forgiveness, maybe not even that, just some understanding
That I fucked up, and that I’m human, it’s what we do.
Silence is me understanding if she cant find any of that.
Silence is me killing myself in my mind, but knowing doing that would only further her pain.
Silence is all of that,
Multiplied by 1 million.
That is why I am silent not because I have none of these,
But because I don’t want to hurt her anymore than I already have.
Because every-time I do speak, I seem to.
That is why there is silence in me.