Stuck

I always have a plan

because making decisions is too much weight

to place on my shoulders and mind

I've drunk water

but not enough

and once again my throat's dry

wanna hang out? come over, please,

so I can isolate myself in your presence

and feel more disconnected than ever

If I could only eat those little crescent bread rolls

and chocolate and pieces of cake

and read novels forever

but my body needs more

and it would all be better if I could make myself

cry ugly, blubber messy on the floor

I binge on distraction

to forget the nothingness

and that's the only reason I want more

just to stop the wanting

so I shake my hands and sigh and fail

and it's not enough