Cruise from Hell

“Crossing the ocean is a wondrous thing,'' they said.

“You’ll love every minute,” they said.

Nobody mentioned that I would HANG OVER the railing,

Feeling my body SHAKE after I had DRUNK my WEIGHT

In cocktails with harmless plastic swords

Ripe with pearl onions and salty olives.

I did not PLAN to BLUBBER like a baby,

Wishing for death as the ROLLS of the waves

Brought another tide of nauseousness

Rushing through my stomach.

Why did I BINGE like that?

Because the drinks are free, of course!

The trip was definitely a FAIL,

But I have enough photos,

A few where my face is not terribly green,

That no one will ever know my battle with the sea,

And I shall lie through my teeth

Telling everyone who will listen about my amazing journey.