why is the slightest glimpse of something once shared bring back a flood of memories too painful to forget? time does not heal, time allows for the gate holding the memories back to thicken, become stronger. but the recollection is stronger. the smell, the taste, the wild, the calm, it all rushes through faster than the blink of an eye. and yet some are easier to forget. but no, not this one. this one lingers, stays, hovers over my mind waiting to make an appearance again at a moments notice. and when the appearance comes, the tears fall. The tears fall slowly, then more and more. My heart aches, its breaks, it hurts. I must live my life without you. fate is a cruel master. fate brought me my soulmate and fate will tear us apart. you blink and they are gone. and unrequited love now rules my existence. painful, like clashing notes in a song. notes that do not seem to belong. And yet, is that not the utter beauty of life? the clashing notes, the harmonies that seem do not seem to go together ultimately bringing some of the most beautiful songs? Perhaps fate is not cruel, perhaps fate is weaving a tapestry of her own. A tapestry in which the pain of my life weaves to a sad beauty. and as we look back upon life, this tapestry fate has decided upon becomes more beautiful. painfully beautiful, yet lovely because it weaves a pattern of life. Messy, yes, but it pulls to become the picture fate designed it to be.