Only fools rush in...

I took me days to tell you.

Or weeks.

Or months.

My memory of that time in my life is hazy.

My memory of my time with you.

But I know it was a struggle, thinking of what to do.

That voice we all have in our heads giving a million different reasons why it would inevitably fail.

I think you confused me with your goodness.

You were too lovely to me, so much so that I found myself having hope, for the first time in the longest time, that maybe... Just maybe...

I psyched myself up.

And I just told you.

It must have seemed so casual to you, at the time, the way I sent that cringey "I like you" text you've probably gotten a thousand times.

But I was panicked and heaving and begging myself not to hit delete and save us both.

Maybe I should have.

But if I hadn't said my truth, darling sunflower, it simply wouldn't have been me.

I meant it when I said I thought I was falling for you.

I would have fetched you the sun, burning to ashes on the way with a stupid grin on my face, if it meant making you happy.

You were the world, the stars, you were almost everything to me for some time and I can tell you there aren't many things I wouldn't have done for you.

I forced the words out, I forced myself not to wipe them away, I forced my demons to stay suppressed as I awaited your reply

I waited...

And I waited...

And I waited.

What's that one lyric from that one song?

Loving you is a losing game.

Well, I did love and I did lose.

And I don't regret it, not for a moment.

I would rather speak my truth and suffer the consequences for my foolish genuineness than stay sobbing in the dark, hiding away parts of myself.

I hope you remember me as a person who was willing to risk losing you because of how much I loved you.

I hope you know that I am glad for the chapter of my book you filled.

I have some bittersweet pages in my life full of sunflowers and daydreaming and hope and I have only you to thank.

My forever with you only lasted a blip of time.

And I'm grateful to you for being so wonderful that I tried and failed.

I just wish we had gotten more time...

In another life, perhaps, old friend.