One touch and my world fell apart. A second touch threw every belief into chaos. That final touch burned every bridge behind me. The loss of that touch, and I stand alone.
Standing at my window I stare blankly out at a world so foreign, unappealing, and unavailable, I struggle to breathe. I long for normalcy but the smell of my burnt bridges puts paid to that dream. My body and soul battle for supremacy and leave me paralyzed, unable to move in the only direction possible...forward. Fear, anger, despair, desire, happiness, regret, and shame, all tumble inside me like the laundry in the dryer. I cannot even cry, the last tears having dried on my cheeks days ago. What have I done? Why did I allow it? Why did they abandon me to this anguish and darkness? How do I go on? How do I even breathe? Will no one save me? Even heaven seems silent and I cringe at my lack of faith, my lack of believing. One more touch. Please, one more touch. Sooth my savage soul, ease my pain, give me just one more moment of happiness, one more moment of blissful ignorance, peace.
I leave the window to curl into a ball under my blanket and beg God not to forsake me. I cannot beg for forgiveness as I still long for another touch no matter the cost. I long for the once dreaded sounds of the garage door, kitchen timer, and ball games. I curse the past, the present, and now even the future. I beg the darkness to swallow me, protect me, as if that would end my pain somehow. Why? What did I do so wrong? What did I do to deserve such desolation? Come tomorrow! Come end this terrible day. Come and bring Hope with you. Please, Please, Please, bring Hope. I will cling to the changing of the day and pray for Hope.
(Till then, the rest of you can go to Hell—
--and wait for me to join you soon enough!)
Sorry! NO! Not sorry! Oh God help me!