All my life I wanted love to take over my whole soul.
I love the feeling I would get when that certain someone was around.
I would feel gitty and silly and anticipated the chance to hold them.
Knowing that I am not the person to even tell them how I felt. Yes, Chicken was my middle name and I wore that suit well. I hated rejection. I knew I was a good girl for someone's daughter. I knew I would treasure her heart like a diamond. I knew I could be faithful to her because she was all I wanted. And I knew I would be there and protect her with all I had in me. But through her eyes, I was no one.
So do I put my best clothes on to get her attention? Or do I just act silly when I was around her so that she would notice? Or do I put on my big girl drawers and grow some balls and step up to the plate and say "I want you". Nope, I'm not
that bold. So dreaming will just have to do. At least in my dreams, I navigate the whole thing. You see it's called daydreaming for a reason. All-day I could close my eyes and spend as much time with her as I want. But I have to say what controls my cheerios in my stomach is her voice. When I hear it but don't see her, I melt. It feels like a million little bursts of sunshine flying around in my soul. If she and I had a conversation on the phone, she would never see the grinning that comes out with every word. A simple victory dance in my belly in her honor.
She makes me feel like a 75-degree day with 20 mph winds with a baked chocolate chip smell in the air.
And then I open my eyes and I am back to where I was, wishing she loved me.