Darkest Fear

It's not as if I want want it.

Or to say that I don't deserve it.

I do.

I want it completely.

I want it despite the unforeseen challenges that comes with it.

despite not understanding the cost.

despite not knowing it's affects will have on me.

and my family.

I want it while knowing what it opens up.

The opportunties it creates.

The ways it allows me to help others.

Can you really want something

and fear it at once?

Can you truely believe its yours

if you fear it too?

Maybe.

Maybe this fear is nothing more than a symptom.

A symptom of stepping out of my comfort zone,

and towards the version of myself

that is aching to be set free.

So I step forward.

each day taking baby steps.

through the uncomfortableness.

through the doubt.

through the fear.

stepping closer to who I am.

who I am

when I get there.