I’m Used to Lonely Summers

at last.

finally.

school is over.

i can have relaxation again,

solitude again,

happinesses again,

my life again.

a week into this fucker

and i promise

i will not be able to list the alkali metals.

—

so two weeks in

and i don’t have a great update.

my heart might be beating

faster than usual.

and my palms might be getting

wetter around people.

and my mind might be a bit more

imaginative…

i don’t wanna say i’ve met someone.

i haven’t.

i saw them.

across the river.

i thought i was the only

one

that knew

about that place.

it’s my place.

and he was there.

across.

staring

then waving.

i think i waved back.

i don’t remember.

my senses were too

overwhelmed.

—

i can now say

that we’ve met.

we talked.

i’m excited.

not super excited or anything just you know

happy.

summer will be a bit less

lonely

now.

i’ve never minded

lonely summers.

i’d say i actually like them.

but this was something different

and i’m getting excited,

jumpy.

he has a nice voice.

i don’t wanna forget it

or let him forget mine.

his voice,

it reminds me of late nights

and staring at the ceiling

and waiting

for something

not sure what but something

good.

something you’ve wished for

and you just know it’s going to come soon.

is he what i’ve waited for?

—

he came over today.

i met him a few weeks ago,

feels like forever,

and he has been in my

bedroom.

he looked at my dresser,

did he imagine what my clothes

look like?

did he imagine what my

bras,

underwear

look like.

i would

at his place.

ugh that’s weird

i’m weird okay.

stop.

he sat on the floor

i offered the bed but

he looked away

said he was,

“okay”.

we sat on the floor

we traded music

my song

his song

my song

his song.

i liked all of his songs.

they were better than mine.

he left

after five hours of teenage music.

he wants to come over again

i want him to come over again.

i want to

kiss

his cheek

the next time he leaves

my doorstep.

—

we did 4th of July

together.

at night we met up,

he suggested we

sneak out,

and set off

fireworks

in the forest,

by our river.

i was scared but,

he said he’d protect me.

nothing happened.

i was fine but

my heart wasn’t.

his eyes.

i had never really

studied them like i had the

rest of him.

he looked into the sky after lighting

the firework

the reds, the blues, purples

all reflecting on the surface

of his soul.

he’s gorgeous

and i tell him that.

i say it out loud.

he looks at me for a second

and then that smile.

it spread across his face slowly,

like a realization,

a spark flickering behind his

magical

fantastical,

eyes.

he walked towards me

and asked me a very important question.

“can i kiss you?”

can he kiss me?

can i kiss him?

can we kiss each other.

i said yes

and he sighs into my mouth,

as if something in his life just got

a whole lot easier.

—

he calls me baby

everyday.

i call him darling when i want to

make

him

flustered.

i call him honey when he’s

heating food up.

i call him baby when he

rubs my thighs

or bites my neck

or licks my stomach.

i don’t want this to end.

i don’t want him to leave my porch

or my river

or my life.

he has no plans to

but life finds a way.

i keep thinking about it.

i told him yesterday,

told him about

the gnawing feeling that this

won’t last.

not because we don’t

need each other

or want each other

but because time,

life

gets in the way.

he said not to worry

he rubbed my face

with his cool hands

and

he put our noses together and said

“this won’t stop”

“i won’t let it”

“i love it too much”

he loves it

too much.

i think love it too much too.

(sorry i suck at poetry. also i thought lowercase fit the aesthetic i was going for with this poetry thing. sorry to anyone that was annoyed by this)!!