and I learned

You left me one dreary morning.

Everything’s still a haze.

I was breathing in a colosseum

with no doors and no windows,

and I could hear the footsteps of soldiers

coming from miles away.

No weapons in my hands

I was defeated before they came.

And I had four walls on my sides,

mountain high

and nowhere to escape

and so I cried,

day and night,

and my tears watered vines and they

grew up along those walls.

I clung to them, my last chance,

and I broke free before they could get to me.

I wandered the desert, the nights grew cold,

and you had taken my coat.

So I hugged myself to keep me warm and the days piled up.

Found a little creek and drank from it,

stopped to rest until my feet were no longer sore.

And there, a snake came by,

told me I would die

and I would be all alone.

So I had to fight, took my hands and strangled my doubt.

But the snake took a bite and I felt the poison spread

up my veins and I could almost hear you calling my name.

I found a rock and I made it sharp.

With the strength you lacked I cut off my hand.

I used my shirt to tie my wound.

By the time I stopped bleeding,

I had lost a little part of myself,

but when the sun came up

I knew then it was done.

And so I kept on.

And I had four dreams in those nights,

fever high,

and freedom at the tip of my tongue.

And I would cry,

I would scream and fight,

cursed you for leaving me alone and I,

I found a road in the shimmering sun.

And I took my time walking down those lines,

hoping they would take me to a new home

So I, I found a place, barely standing,

and I stayed there two nights but it still felt empty.

I tended my wounds and stitched my scars.

I washed my face and cleansed my body off your touch.

And I looked in the mirror, into those two eyes

that looked so much like yours but had seen way more,

and I took a breath, barely holding a scream,

realized all I had was me.

And so I picked up my pride

and let the tears flow,

they watered the garden I now feed from.

And I slept, tossed in the night.

I knew then I wouldn’t die.

The alternative was live with a few wounds to treat.

And I took it shamelessly.

Because you left me alone,

I had to fend for my own,

and they judge but don’t know

the hell I’ve been throug.

I escaped men with swords

when they had planes and boats,

I lived through the snake bite

and I died a little inside,

but I was alright.

And I spent two years alone

healing on my own.

No one to rush me, no one to judge me

And I learned

I learned.

_________

hello! i've been from a writing hiatus (only free writing, still working fully on my novel), but this piece came like a regurgitated string of words from my chest and i really like it, so here it is. if you're going through a rough time, hang in there. things get better.

thank you so much for reading

-goldenmel