It wouldn’t happen to me.
I stood there, full of nerves, shaking & sweating
In my head I was telling myself to be calm, I had my wedding dress on, my hair done, even make up
Dad stood beside me, my rock in life, he wiped a tear, he told how proud he was that I was, well me
I shut my eyes to gather myself, then I heard the music, her music, to start the walk down the isle
I heard a familiar tune, no song in my head, this was not part of this, why, where
I suddenly jerked awake, my phone, ringing so loudl, I knew who it was
The ICU doctor gave me his name, I asked him to wait just 5 seconds, I took a deep breath, shook my head & tried to wake up
Doctor, how are you I asked in my half asleep stupor
You need to come now, that's what I remember the doctor saying, you need to come now, we don't know
I knew what they were saying, my wife, our daughters Mama was unlikely to make it through till morning
I drove down far too quick, being thankful my best friend was staying & she could watch our beautiful girl
So many things go through your head when this happens, I mean this doesn't happen to good people
As I lay my weary head back down in bed some 30 hours later, I was grateful, she made it, she pulled through
Right now I needed rest, & my daughter needed cuddles
Six months later I am driving to the rehab hospital, a daily 70 minute drive, I don't mind, I enjoy the rare time alone
The doctors keep telling us she may be able to talk again, may be able to walk, but I see it in there eyes, they don't believe it
I am doubtful, there is no movement returning, no speech
I am right, I wish I wasn't, 18 months later nothing has changed, my heart is broken, I am deep in trauma, how did this happen from a 30 minute surgery?
Our daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety being the biggest issue
I can see the moment, she is having a anxiety attack about me going out to a psychiatrist appointment
She can't come, but she wants to, needs to make sure I am ok
I make the decision to be stronger, be a pillar for our girl, be an example
Its this that is my great out of bad, I found strength I didn't know I had, resilIance that kept me going
I had no concept of how strong & resilienant we can be, how we manage.
Now our daughter is happy, laughing. Cheerful & no anxiety.