Oops

i tripped and i fell

always the clumsy one, me.

i tripped and i fell

right into you.

like some cheesy romance flick

i sat next to you on the bus,

and i discovered what it was like

to have a crush so intense

that it threatened to destroy you.

i'd had crushes before.

but none like this.

loving her gave me a sense of rebellion.

of being true to myself.

of course, it also meant i had to put up

with the carelessly thrown insults

when she was in a bad mood.

she didn't mean them to hurt,

i was just

collateral damage.

she ripped me apart,

and still i could not stop

wanting her.

years went by, each year she got

farther from me

and closer to someone else.

and still i could not stop

wanting her.

i didn't know the reasons

behind my want.

i didn't know why

i wanted her to want me

when i didn't even want to be me.

i didn't understand,

and if i'm being honest,

i still don't.

i'm still waiting for someone to love me

the way i loved her.

and i'm hoping that,

when they do,

i won't let them down

the way she let me down

over and over again.