A Conversation With my Therapist
"Why isn't it okay to be lonely? she asked me.
"Well it is, I just don't like the feeling very much."
"Why isn't it okay to be lonely, Chloe?" she asks again. And it really feels like my brain doesn't know. It's just a feeling after all. How come this is so hard?
"I don't know. When I sit there I just think of all the people that are thriving right now while this is is so hard for me, and I wonder why I'm so broken. It feels compulsive, like I can't sit with it." The words kind of flow out of my mouth. I haven't really throught this far into this feeling before.
"Thriving? You think people are thriving right now? she asks in disbelief.
"Yeah, they're doing all these things, working from home, spending every day at home with the person they love, doing everything together. Stuff like that."
"Chloe, that doesn't sound like thriving to me. That sounds like desparation, surviving. Cramming as much in as you can in order not to feel. Would people be working from home if it wasn't a pandemic? People are scrambling right now, desparate to cling onto any sense of control that they can. Why won't you let yourself be lonely?"
If you're lonely too, don't worry. Being lonely doesn't have to be a bad thing.