“I want to be your god” by Kanzaki Iori
Link to song with translation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3yyfZNHTls
This song resonates with me because it sings about everything I want to say without the words sounding meaningless and for nought. As the artist's name suggests, it's a non-English song sung by Hatsune Miku, a Vocaloid (a digital voice synthesizer). I know that the translation doesn’t do the Japanese lyrics justice, but I still teared up because it was honest in the way that I couldn't be. I don't think I will ever be able to explain what this song is about, so I'll just let the lyrics speak for me and write a conclusion. (lyrics are written in the format presented in the video)
'Who the heck really thinks a song like this can fill up your oozing,
corroded scars... Even if I held you close and screamed out, nothing, in reality would change.
Songs sung screaming recklessly, all they
really do is clear my own mind for a moment.
I think what I really wanted was sympathy, but I did want to save you too...
I am powerless, I am powerless, I am powerless, I am powerless, I am powerless.'
'"I was saved by you" or "I started to think I wanted to live after all"
...Ah, I see. But it's yourself you should be thanking for changing. Good for you.'
'I, of living flesh, wanted to be your god.'
'Even if I hold you close, and scream, it won't change the fact that you're in pain.
Songs screamed sloppily, I don't actually like them either
I think what I really wanted was sympathy, but I can't save anyone with that'
'I just want to sing a song that will save someone.
I want to sing a song that will protect someone.
I want to sing a song that will save you.
But it's impossible,
I know you can be happy, of your own accord, through your own means'
'... I want to scream for you, of your scars your pain, everything.
But you know, in the end you are strong. Surely you can
face forward all on your own... and that's fine by me
But maybe, where there comes a time where you start to cry,
let me sing all your pain, your hardships, your weaknesses,
your heart -- with my powerless, incompetent, dirtied song.
I am powerless, I am powerless, I could not become god.
I am powerless, I am powerless.
With this powerless song I want to save you, but'
'I want to be your god'
That was the last line of the song. I guess the reason why this made me tear up was because it was very honest and relatable. As a user here on Prose, I had hoped that my writing would help someone and anyone who's suffering. I guess I was also looking for sympathy, someone who shares the same pain, or simply trying to sympathise with the people who share the same troubles with posts that weren't based on my experiences; 'but I did want to save you too'. What I'm trying to say is, I hoped to give someone else the will to live even while I myself was in pain, even though I know that it won't change anything or anyone. I can't relief them of their pain, I can't solve their problems and I definitely can't save anyone. 'I am powerless' because I can't make anyone happier; you have your own ways of making yourself happier, but if you fall into a slump again, I'd like to do anything in my power to console you even if it doesn't solve anything.