No Children - The Mountain Goats

there is this very specific kind of rage that you feel when you have spent a long time trying to make someone a good person. When you meet them it seems easy: get them and everyone else to see all of the amazing things you see. Get them to see the way he smiles, the nie things hes capable of saying, get them to see how much love he has inside of him even if its only between you too. But then, slowly, you start to realize that no mount of living omeone can make them into a good person. No amount of pouring your soul into them can make them as good as you, and no matter what anyone else says, loving them wont make them love you back.

I spent four years trying to force a man to be a good person. I remember when we first ogt togther girls would come up to me and warn me that he would hurt me but I was so sure that I had thick enough skin to manage until he became the version of him that existed in my head. But four years later he still isnt a good person and it appears i didnt have thick skin at all. I was just as weak and malliable as all of the other people in his life but the difference is that I ran in head first.

I no sit for hours on end filling up with rage about how long he convicned me to stay and be a toy for him to use and break and put back together again. I curse myself for being so stupid. For wasting four years of my life and walking out with nothing to show for it but a lot of missed opportunities that I traded for nights spent waiting for him to call.