Can it all just End?

*TRIGGER WARNING*

It’s ironic how overrated depression is.

That the people who actually have it are tossed aside.

Like useless garbage.

We just want freedom.

We just want happiness.

We just want acceptance.

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.

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I have been unable to stop it.

The feelings just pour in

I think I’m drowning.

I’m tired of pretending

I can’t smile anymore.

The mask isn’t working

I can’t feel anymore.

Every day, I cry myself to sleep.

Dreading the pain of tomorrow.

It’s funny, how people say

“your life is perfect,

learn to appreciate”

But they’ve only skimmed

the water’s surface.

My family is unaware.

Of the pain I’m going through.

They think I’m happy

Because smiling is what I always do.

You think it’s a phase?

No, it’s not.

It’s like having poison

injected into your heart.

You helpessly wait

for the poison to spread

Until you can’t take it

And die on your own bed.

I’d rather be stabbed

and have it all end fast.

It’s better than the sadness

Slowly eating away my heart.

I’m ugly, I’m fat

I’m weird and weak

I’m useless, I’m bad

I’m sensitive and meek.

The self- hate has grown.

I don’t like myself anymore...

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.

.

The blade speaks now.

I start cutting myself.

The feeling of hate

Expressed through every slash.

Blood trickles.

The wounds burn.

But I don’t care anymore.

After all, don’t I deserve it?

Alone, and invisible

I will live the last of my life

until the sadness envelops me

and I decide to die...

Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer.

- Dorothy Rowe