And This is How I Die

I foresee my death as some

glorious self sacrifice,

Like I'll show up and save

a bunch of children from a fire

or hold back a group of dickheads

attempting a dark alley rape.

And my funeral will be full

of strangers I never had the chance

to disappoint. But what will really happen,

is some bastard will hit me head on,

he'll be texting, has to be a dude,

and the guy behind me will try to save me,

and fail, miserably. And my family will

fill the room around his casket and celebrate

this selfless fucker that never let them down.

I know this story lacks females, but this tale

is a little dark, and I fear their presence may

add enough beauty to distract from

my depressing little demise.