_ Admit _

you asked me

why i am

always alone.

i didn't respond.

Not because i didn't want to

But because even i didn't know why.

i just looked at you

and thought

'how nice it is to be yourself'

i then decided to give you

a genuine smile.

but then, you asked me

why i was crying.

you were confused.

i could read through

the twitching

of your eyes

and the way you

stared at me

that you were thinking

i was sick, strange, and cold.

i didn't reply,

and keep looking at you.

i wondered

'why i always feel empty

when someone tries to get

closer.'

i tried to tell you

about my pain

and my reality

but the words

never got past

my trembling lips.

you didn't see them shaking.

you didn't see me

shaking as i recalled

my rare moment of

false happiness.

you thought that

i was ignoring you,

that i was.... i

don't know...

maybe you thought

that i was

An absolute asshole

for keeping the

silence between us.

i wasn't ignoring you.

i was recalling

my loneliness.

all the time

i smiled

without feeling anything.

all the time

i laughed

but felt empty inside.

all the time

i joked around

tearing my inside

to hold back the truth.

I just..

i just didn't know what to tell

you.