im not okay

I’m the type that pushes everything down till I explode little by little. today I told my best friends I’m done with relationships and that love is dead to me. I might be losing myself but I don’t need help. I got it. I think...I don’t sleep much, been drowning. I don’t know why but I don’t feel much unless it's pain. Last night I dreamt of someone I miss, returning my love to me, but they didn't question me like usual. They didn't care I was trans like they do in reality. I'm Afraid of going comatose. The last words I said to him in my dream were "I love you just the way you are...stop acting like someone else" with a warm smile, holding his face in my hands than kissing him like I used to. But this will never happen. And I'm not okay.