One of the 3 nights I want to forget

When my therapist asked

if he sexually assaulted me

i said no

but a small part of me was trying to convince myself to say yes

because it was true

i didn't think that it was true

until tonight when i messaged him to ask him for approval of something small I did.

I had thought that

moving out on my own

would bring be a sense of

stability and security.

everything was okay

until that one night

when he didn't allow me to go downstairs

and made fun of the fact I felt unsafe.

And every morning after,

once I heard the footsteps coming down

My insides were filled

with panic

and he wouldn't leave me alone.