of gardens and worlds

i wish we had created a world enough for the both of us. big enough to fit your pain and mine. i wish the garden we made together had grown. i wish there had been a big open room for you to love me the way i needed you too. i wish you had cleaned out the boxes from your childhood, made space for your addiction. i wish i had built a castle for myself, one where i could get away from you when i wanted, where i could paint my trauma somewhere other than the small and crumbling walls of our world. i wish we could have broken out, instead of staring at the rolling hills outside of the tiny window. i wish you had found the way out instead of me. i wish i could have left the room with you. i wish you had wanted to leave too. i wish you could see the world i made for myself. it has a garden. i wish i could show you now, but seedlings are fragile and i’m afraid they would shrivel. i wish that someday you will grow a garden of your own because you deserve to watch it breathe.