Turn Away

I can’t escape her, no matter how hard I try! I’m exhausted from years of trying to outrun her, to hide from her, and even trying to kill her. But she can’t be stopped.

I woke up this morning hoping that she wouldn’t be there, but of course she was. She was waiting for me with a devilish grin sitting on her lips and a playful glint in her eyes. She seemed all too happy to see my miserable face walking toward her.

“Good morning!” She chirped. I ignored her, as I always did. “Don’t be like that, sweetheart. Talk to me. Indulge me.”

I knew if I acknowledged her it would just give her power, more control over me. Despite not responding, she knew that she had a hold on me still.

“You look dreadful this morning; couldn’t sleep well?” The truth was, I hadn’t slept in months- maybe even years. I’d close my eyes and I’d see her. I open them and there she is, whispering terrible things in my ear that echoed in my head all day. She tells me I’m ugly. I’m fat. No one loves me. No one ever will.

Most days I try to ignore her, but I know that even when I turn away from the mirror, she will still be there. Most days I try to forget that the monster is me.