Hey, World: Has this ever happened to anyone else when visiting Europe?
Let me explain this thing. It just makes no friggan sense.
So, I went to Venice in 2012 and the gondola-dude calls my wallet a portafoglio when I go to pay him. So, I start yelling at him you know, telling him he’s kinda freaky looking and not at all as handsome as Giorgio Armani. So then dude, I take out my wallet and start shouting, “Wallet, Jackass. It’s called a WAL-LET, Numbnutz.” He shouts back, “Portafoglio!” and calls me something like a dumb American, which I most likely am, but hate the confirmation. So, I pushed him in that damn canal.
After the authorities were done with me, they escorted me to the Spanish border, which I must say was kinda cool of them, you know. I was hungry from the five hour interrogation and needed some grub in my gut. So, I go up to this lady with a pushcart full of ice cream or some frozen orange-tinted shit, take out my wallet, and wave it around yelling, “How much you want, lady?” Sure, I was like super loud, but I was double-effin hangry, dude! So, get this.... I give her my wallet, just so she can grab some of my pesos or whatever I’ve got in there..... But, while she’s digging for my cash, I decide to test her, because I won’t eat anything frozen from a person who doesn’t know what a wallet is. So I say to her, “What do you call this thing, ice cream lady?” And get this, she says, like really slowly, like I’m a total moron: “CARTERA”.... I mean, What? What the hell is up with everyone in Europe? Has the world gone mad? So, I start running with her cart down the narrow street, you know, which has a whole bunch of people buying fruit and crap--- but when I stop to yell at these people, they all decide to call them CARTERAS when I point at my wallet... So, dude, I got up in all their sad faces, then berated each and every one of those freakin Spanish fruit buyers, and endlessly chastised them for their intolerable stupidity.
Anyway, just before the police got there, I ditched that ice cream cart in an alleyway so I could eat it later. But, sadly dude, it never happened. Those bastard police with the funny-looking hats put me on a plane later that night back home to Topeka, which really sucked... Because I hate Kansas... But at least they know what a damn wallet is!