What more can 2021 bring?

I gave it all that I had but it wasn’t enough

I married so young and I knew it’d be tough

But they don’t teach you the skills to take care of yourself

Or that marriage can truly impact on your health

The first year started out with a rocky beginning

By the end, my pregnancy had both of us grinning

The second flew by with some struggles as well

We were such happy parents but going through hell

We decided to move country to start a new life

So we moved to Australia, just to be faced with new strife

Our income was low but we loved life and each other

By the third year we had started to bag one another

Suddenly, there was a side to this man I had not seen

He would cuss, get angry and had started to be mean

Yes life was stressful and moving at a slow pace

But that’s life, and these times you’re supposed to embrace 

Life moves so damn fast and the years fly on by

When I look back at the years I just sit there and cry

We had such an opportunity, such a big chance

And we let it slip by, without even a glance

We were just so caught up on the trivial things

So we never addressed any of our bad feelings

We let them fester until they would explode

I would hold in my feelings, god I thought I’d implode

You were scary to confront, I feared how you’d react

Would you yell or be broody, planning your counterattack 

You could never take criticism not even from me

But you were always telling me how communication is key

You want to know what I’m thinking, and why I am so sad

But you don’t understand that you’ve driven me mad

One second you’re fine, and then the next you’re not

You switch randomly between freezing and hot

So that sums up the fourth year and most of the fifth

Have another child they said, don’t you know they’re a gift? 

Well I had  another but it didn’t do much

Except trap me even more in this marriage of such

Towards the end of the fifth that’s when all hell broke loose 

When  your mental health crashed from the workplace abuse 

I pretty much raised our kids alone for that year

But I suck as a mum, from you, I did hear

The sixth year was intense but I held on through it all

I just focused on work and the kids I recall

I tried my best to move forward move on with my life

I even tried to forget that I was your wife

The sixth year passed and now on to the next

When I finally picked myself up in the job context 

I landed the job of my dreams that I worked so hard for

But you took that from me, reasons why I’m unsure

Were you jealous of me or of all my success 

Because I lost my job due to you being “depressed”

Since then its been harder than I thought life could be

I’m surprised that I haven’t hung myself from a tree

For now I’m in the eighth year of this marriage of mine

And all I can do is pretend it is all fine

But its not and I’m sad and I want to be dead

But I’m scared to place that gun to my head

One day it will end but I want you to know

That I did all that I could and put on a good show

But I can’t keep this up and I can’t always be strong

I’m a drama queen you will say but you couldn’t be more wrong.

#fear #marriage #younglove #despair #lifelost #loveslessmarriage #abuse #emotionalabuse