Keep the change

I wanted us to be a part of each other’s lives; you didn’t.

Nothing holds as much radiance in our lives, as the one Hope imparts.And I followed that light time and again, yet all too often you nipped at it till I was left looking at nothing; the darkness swelling to take me into its vile depths, unforgivingly punishing my naivety.

My anger comes rushing now; the exhaustion from my efforts too heavy, swooshing so fast, it threatens to deafen me.

I know what kind of person I’d have to be if I wanted to have you. But I was too proud to ever want to change me for you. Now that pride is hurt, all its beauty ridiculed and mocked: and that I shall atone tenderly.

I know you better than you know yourself, because you never looked inside; while I always looked into your depths, searching in you what I gave so freely.

I become that person you would want to fall in love with, for I know her well now. But too soon I shall be gone, and you will be left to always wonder what it was that you had done wrong to lose it all. Anguished that you hurt me somehow, and wanting to feel my pain, not realizing it had changed its form a long time ago. Guilt is one of your fears, I learned, be careful what you show others baby.

I will make sure the pain of this loss will be buried in so deep, you’ll never be able to wrench it out of you.

Loss; regret; guilt; remorse.