Why?

So the question was "why?". Those three little words that I dread every time. Truth is I really don't know why I do it; The moment it's in I just feel dark and my minds in a dark place and I feel myself not caring and maybe slowly even dying and then the first cut ... It's like a rebirth. It gives me a feeling of being alive and right then and there everything is fine for a second and then the pain slowly creeps up on you, But it's okay because it still gives you a sort of a warm feeling... so why? The reason is to just feel nothing but everything at the same time ,, sick isn't it?

J.E.S