A boy who wants to die.

Is today a good day to die?

Maybe not. I haven’t finished my essay. Maybe I’ll die after that so that Mr. Eric won’t be disappointed.

And I also haven’t had sex. It’s a pity to not be able to do something that everyone hails as the best thing in the world to have done. But I have a feeling that I won’t be able to do it even 10 years down the road. Not unless I get her attention.

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow. Maybe I don’t even have to finish the essay, because how important is Mr. Eric anyway? He was nice, but not nice enough to make me want to stay in this world. There was no one nice enough to make me stay in this world. Except her, maybe.

Maybe I’ll stay one day longer so I can see her smile for one more day.

Or maybe I’ll stay a month longer so I can confess to her on the day we graduate.

But what then? It was like waiting for rejection. Was it worth it?

I wanted to have this girl but the effort was too much. It was so much it seemed more than trying to die. But I wanted to try. I wanted so badly to know how it feels like to have a girl.

I stepped off the ledge. Maybe I will try again next time.