Love Myself?

My mind hates my heart for its constant complication

my thoughts are too loud they won’t stay in my head

but why

they refuse to let me sleep

maybe I don’t try

I think and overthink while laying in my bed

heartbeat’s racing to the sky

I don’t know

I don’t care

Should I care?

Maybe I do

No

No

Not again

You don’t care

Just stop trying

They don’t deserve it

you don’t either

My heart hates my body for betraying my emotions

my feelings hurt too much they won’t release me

but why

too much tension riding my shoulders

maybe I don’t try

to knock it off would mean more soreness than I have now

heartbeat’s racing to the sky

I just don’t know

It won’t get off

Just get off

Get OFF

Please

Please

please

I’m not strong enough

It’s too heavy

Do I deserve it?

probably

My body hates my mind for pushing me too far

my grip is too tight on my free falling plans

but why

my fingers are turning white and cramping

maybe I don’t try

there has to be a way to reach my goals

heartbeat’s racing to the sky

I just don’t let go

I can’t let go

I don’t want to

I can handle this

Right?

Right.

right

I deserve this

Just this once

How could I not?

I’m trying

I’m trying

I promise

I’m scared

It’s too much

I’m hoping

I’m hoping

I’m hoping

How could I not?

How could I not?

For all my hatred

I still have love

Because I understand

I see my pain

But I see others’

I believe they love me

And I know they do

I doubt they would lie

Lies are hard to maintain

Even mine

I can’t fake it forever

Slowly there are days

I am truly happy

Because I know myself

I can see through my own lies

See my anxiety

My pain

But also my joy

Joy in understanding

And trusting those around me

Accepting I am not perfect

And loving that about myself