I don't know how long it's been.
I lost track of the time after the second week. Life is brutal here. I feel myself at the end though. The pain in my body. Not just physically. i feel my self close. Close to the light.
The only reason I'm here is because I joined that rebellion. I thought I could be something. Do something bigger. But all I did was make it worse. I always thought The Community was perfect. That was how they raised us. We're safe here.
they told us
That there were monsters outside the borders.
That the borders kept us safe.
But someone got the wrong idea. Started spreading the word. That The Community was manipulative. Taking advantage of us, whom they called their precious workers.
I believed them though. I joined their rebellion.
maybe they were right.
maybe they were wrong.
whatever the case
here i was.
Out in the Streets.
I laugh when I recall them telling us that we were "safe". Because the real monsters lived within. Not outside the borders. They didn't like the ideas we spread so they put me here. Us here.
But I am so weak.
I don't remember my last meal.
I don't remember my family or even the meaning of having a home.
in this place, they broke me. Beat the human out of me. Because now apparently I was not fit to live in The Community. I had disrupted the Order.
A great crime.
And they had to make it clear that it was not tolerated
I barely remember who I am.
Or my name.
I look at my hands. Scratched and bruised. My pinky missing. My nails uneven. From my stubbornness and my attempts at escaping.
All I remember is pain.
I remember the screams.
I remember holding him
How he clinged on for life.
How his eyes closed and his chest stopped rising.
I remember my screams.
My sore throat
My eyes dry from so many tears.
Now here I sit. Out in the cold rain
In the mud
All dirty and broken
I guess they achieved what the wanted
I let myself fall completely to the ground. My arms seeped in mud
the rain dripping down me and on my face. The rain sometimes tracing down my scars.... the deeper ones mostly.
I hear so much all around me.
faint screams and tears.
I hear my own
But they sound so distant
as if I was listening to myself from elsewhere
maybe it's because it's not me anymore
maybe because they managed to break me
so I closed my eyes
and thought of nothing
Took a deep breath in, and out. But not again.