The Oxymoron

My name is Charles and I’m a bit of an oxymoron.

Well that is a false truth because I really am a walking talking literally device. One bright night I was just minding my own business sitting tall on a paper some stupid genius had used to play basketball with rather than finishing his rather easy 12 page essay.

Now, I say genius because the guy graduated high school at 12. But now he’s too distracted to focus on his easy college classes. I mean... he is clearly confused if he thinks playing trash ball is what is going to help his future. But I digress.

Anywho! There I am in the deafening silence just being some words on a blank paper and then poof! Would you believe it? A giant tooth fairy crashed into the room!

I couldn’t believe my nonexistent eyes. The tooth fairy isn’t real! Right?

Well turns out, that’s true. She’s not real. It wasn’t the tooth fairy it was a fairy godmother. Which is good because she is really real instead of made up like that other thing, am-I-right?

Anyway! She dropped her wand and then bippity bippity lookywho. I became. Human.

Clearly my only choice after that was to kill Charles and take his identity, right?

Don’t tell anyone ok? Not that they’ll believe you anyway. This kind of thing doesn’t happen, even if it is the truth.