drowning

if you were to drown,

you would give in.

(i've drowned before, you know,

caught in a tangle of line

and trying to swim away.)

here's what everyone forgets about drowning -

you can't save yourself,

in the end.

you just hold your breath,

stare up,

try to find the sunlight through the water.

(when i drowned, i forced my eyes open:

water pressing in all around me,

my lungs exploding inside,

and i couldn't find the sun)

(i did not save myself, remember,

someone else hauled me up,

and the knife they used

to cut me loose

left scars in the name of surviving)

when you drown,

you cannot save yourself.

you will be there,

lungs aching,

til someone comes to cut you free