how dare you?!

you, who has pulled me against my will,to perform this heinous act of grievous grammatical offence, while drinking my self-brewed fair-trade grown black tea, and while listening to the soothing rain spattering and trickling down against the cold clear glass, when all around the world is crumbling to ashes and falling to dust, has finally crossed over to another realm of ingratitude, audacity, presumption and downright cruelty because your inauspicious request offends me more so than all other cowardly, fallacious, tedious, abusive and disgusting writing prompts for the interminably unoccupied and literary disinclined cautiously put together, analyzed for mistakes, poked at and finally smothered in gasoline and lit up for the excitement of the wretchedly callous the absurdly pompous and the punctiliously garrulous.