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1-800-273-8255
This is the 24/7 Suicide Hotline in America. Here lately, I've read a lot of content that indicates high anxiety and depressive illnesses. The holidays are very hard for many people, and I want to create a challenge where you can hide for a moment until you get your thoughts together. You don't even have to be suicidal to call this number. I've called them during panic attacks and even general feelings of worthlessness. Please don't hurt yourself. The Prose community loves you too much to let you hurt yourself. I can't let another one of my friends be taken by self-harm and suicide. WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GIVES YOU HOPE! It doesn't have to be particularly joyful or awe-inspiring. Just write like you are speaking to someone who is fighting to survive in the crazy world.

Hope

Hope... It's something I wish I had. We all start in the world demanding and needy, it's a survival skill. It just ever so happens that in my life, pride isn't acceptable. Being american raised by a cishet normative society, I never fit in. People born with XX chromosomes mature faster because society demands that we be better than men to be their equals. But no matter how hard a person may try to live the ideal american dream, something comes along to destroy everything.

I've been hurt by many people. Because that, I was a cruel child, not wanting to be hurt to taken advantage of ever again. I worked to fix it, I just wanted to feel like I was fitting in. I was depressed going into 4th grade (year 5 for the people of the UK), at the time nobody believed me when I said it. They didn't believe me until I gave them a reason to, I told my mom about how I was harmed sexually as a child. Her mind was immediately changed on the matter.

Because in her mind, only a person who has suffered can be depressed.

She had puberty depression, I was just born with the natural dissposition for it. Not that she didn't have other reasons, but that's not my story to tell.

I'm sorry, that I can't write you something of hope. I don't think I'll ever grow out of my anxiety or depression. In all honesty I think it's getting worse, I'm honestly not sure how I managed before my meds, but I know that I need an up in the dosage. Thank you for finding and giving this hotline to those who need it, I know I do.

I don't want to die, but sometimes I feel it's the only escape from the pain. The only reason I haven't is because I'm worried I'll just be hurt when I'm not even around it witness it. When I imagine passing, I also think of what my mother would do. I feel if I died, my corpse would be defiled and my mother would condone it as a punishment for being so weak.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to hurt myself.

I don't want to be sad all the time.

But it's not a choice I have. So, thank you. Your words mean so much to me, I-just thank you. I'm not a hopeful person, I truly don't believe I'll get any better. But people like you make it worth sticking around.

Thank you.