Burning Resignation

Clammy hands, and a heart beat that I can’t soothe.

I’ve thrown up so many times, and wanted to give in so many more.

All I want is to feel that calming, sweet, smokey release.

Ten years, of choking myself everyday in various degrees.

I feel like I’m coughing up my lungs,

and this is so much harder than I thought it would be.

My mind is racing, as fast as my heart.

My hands have searched through every bag, nook and cranny,

desperately trying to find something to poison myself slowly with.

I feel so low and ashamed, that it has come to this.

I’m safe now, and ready to let it all go.

I will try my best, and hopefully it shows.

The discomfort is real, but temporary too,

I just have to remind myself,

that I can make it through.