What Is My Name Today?

I draw a line on my doorway,

A red X to lead you home,

The sun sets then rises again;

Another night spent alone.

I see stars on my window pain,

They're so bright they hurt my eyes,

I latch the lock and close the drapes;

I can't listen to their lies.

They say the moon is coming soon,

That she'll brighten up the night,

Then the clouds come and cover me,

And she hides just out of sight.

I can't help but cry when it rains,

Or shed a tear when there's frost,

I stay inside when I see fog,

'Cause if I don't, I'll get lost.

People say the sun shines brightly,

And I guess I'll believe them,

Even though they still insist that,

There aren't thorns on every stem.

I wish that I had a dollar,

For every tear that I cried,

So I could buy some golden wings,

And finally see the sky.

I bet you wouldn't believe me,

'Cause I bet it wouldn't show,

That once, somebody loved me,

But that was so long ago.

I know what you would say to that;

"You didn't deserve it then,

You don't deserve it now, either,

You don't deserve it again."

You're the only one who loves me,

You're the only one who can,

I'm broken and unfixable,

And worth less than any man.

My bedroom feels warm when you're gone,

The kitchen is cleaner too,

I start to imagine my house,

Without the traces of you.

I put your coat on my front step,

So I can finally think,

Without you breathing down my neck,

I fill the kitchen sink.

The water splashes on the floor,

Down the hall, to my doorway,

Where the X has started to blanch,

As your hold on me gives way.

You left to punish me, I know,

But the air is cleaner now,

And I feel happier than sin;

More than what you would allow.

So I take my bag and my shoes,

And all my broken parts,

You'll never break me again, I swear,

From the bottom of my heart.