Better To Love, Better To Not

“It’s better to have loved someone than to not have loved anyone at all”

I’ve come to learn that it’s not that simple, in either case there’s pain in the fall

I remember the feeling, the pressure, from lonely nights; I still remember the prayers to God for someone by my side

Begging that he would reach out through Heaven and tinker with fate in order to give me a partner along for the ride

I remember my weeping heart, one that had never been fully cherished before, and I asked why I was so undesirable

Injecting poisonous thoughts into my mind, venom into my soul, in the end I was the one that made it so powerful

I suppose it was driven by curiosity, fueled by insecurity, so eager to fall into the unknown when I hadn’t yet grasped uncertainty

But it would be worth it all to find comfort in another’s eyes, to feel complete within an embrace, a harmony for life’s symphony

And one glorious day I did come across that special person, the type of person which we all stumble through life chasing after

The type of person who understands without saying, who listens without hearing; Hours stretched into lifetimes when I was with her

It was a beautiful dream that found its way out of the chambers of my mind, but eventually dreams are woken up from

A few fights ensured, and one day I found myself playing the symphony alone, my heart bruised and my feelings numb

Feeling as though someone had left me for dead, my purpose nonexistent, simply a figure drifting farther and farther into darkness

I didn’t know what to do with myself, I longed to express my love, but no one could receive it. Precious memories reduced to a carcass

It’s an awful feeling to still love someone when they have already let you go, heavy when they’re learning to love someone else though conversations you pray you’ll never know

And you need to turn around and keep moving forward, but you can’t will yourself to do it. The shadows hurt and all you want is to still be able to catch a glimpse of her light from a window

But the saddest part is that you’ll never find another light ahead if you’re too focused on the one behind

There’s no value is trying to make any sense of a situation that has already been defined

Better to love? Better to not? It’s not quite right to compare one with the other

In the end they both hurt in a unique way, in the end both are a different way to suffer