A Bridge Between
A sad song.
A fogotten melody.
Death is the inevitable forthcoming measure of our lives. A step into the cinema of our memories spread out before us. A kind, patient friend waiting for us and our time to end. Death understands how beautiful life is, the wonders of the world, and the simple pleasures of crisp air in dewdrop mornings. Sometimes, we can be so caught up in the world, so lost in ourselves, we end up hating endings. We become so afraid of the last page between covers, knowing once we're done we have to set that book down. Or maybe, there is just something left over, something haunting us that we can't let go. Maybe it's him, or her. His warm arms extended in an embrace, or her smile over a hot coffee cup.
For me, death is something I often long for, not because life was excruciating...but it wasn't enough. I'm left with the feeling of not belonging in a world so full of ideals often clashing with my own. The pain from being an outsider in everyday life. In my life. Just tired of the world screaming over my thoughts, until I can't hear myself anymore. That doesn't mean I'm not afraid.
I often dream of death, almost every night. Not because I'm suicidal, but I long for new beginnings. I dream that when I close my eyes, I'll awaken to a new scene. Not surrounded by my demons, but the clear white snow. I dream of an innocence I have long since lost. If I could die today to be renewed tomorrow, I would.
Yet, I am afraid.
Death is a friend to me. He sings me melodies that help me sleep when I'm terrorized by the living. All the monstrosities I've seen have left me half convinced I'm living in a reality of breathing, thriving hell. I live in a world I have no control over, and everything can hurt me. Not because I am fragile, but because I believe there's still good in a world that often takes advantage of my kindness. Yet, I continue to bleed for those special moments. As long as I can see you tomorrow, still able to grin at me.
I walk hand-in-hand with death, who often reminds me of what I'll leave behind. Without Death, I would have never known life. I wouldn't have known him, or her, or you. So I shouldn't be afraid when you finally left. I couldn't stop it even if I tried. There was just too much venom in your lungs, in your wounds and in your heart that you couldn't stay besides me. You weren't a little bit cracked, or even broken. You were demolished by what this world forced you to withstand.
I shouldn't be afraid, and yet I am. Death stood by my side when I watched you leave. Right then, he was my only comforting friend because I knew when you crossed my world to his, you would never be alone.
At the beginning, I was probably naive. Now, I understand what I didn't know. Death had been a montser to me at first, but he became a friend. I can't blame him for all he's taken, because he can never hold life in his hands, but he can hold souls. Yours, mine, and everybody, with the most gentle care I've ever seen something so beautifully fragile been held.
Death led him away from me. Her away from me. You away from me. Someday, he will lead me away from someone else. I love you. I've never really loved myself though. Until Death came in a dream and whispered in my ear all life had let him see. So when I awaken next, maybe I could have that new beginning I always longed for. I wouldn't feel like an outcast anymore. I'd be seeing the world in a new perspective. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be watching, but this time by your side again.
Death is a desperate prayer in the moonlight.
Death is a truth to the lies I tell myself all the time.
Death is a reminder that all kisses are ephemeral.
Death is a coy lover with whimsical promises.
Death is a sad song I listen to when I'm alone
Death is a forgotten melody from aged memories.
This is not goodbye.
I'll see you again.