“Where does the time go?” was all she could ask herself.
It had been two and half years ago, that she had been given her diagnosis of ALS, as much as it seemed like an eturnity, it seemed like yesterday.
She had already gone through the denile, anger, sadness, went back to anger, never really wanting to accept that it would be her fate.
She had so many decisons that had to be made when she found out, because the disease can progress quickly, she had to decide if there would be an NG tube- to help her eat, a ventilator- to help her breath. Of course none of these thing would save her or really give a better quality of life, just give her more time.
Her daughter had moved up the wedding date, so that she could be there to see her. Although she had to attend in a wheelchair, she was happy that she was able to go and be there, but it also filled her with sadness that she would not meet her grandchildren.
As the year progressed, she lost more and more ability to do much for herself, a woman who rarely asked for help from anyone, was now reduced to being able to do little, without the help of someone else.
She use to run, play tennis, go to yardsales, and dinner with friends, but those things, like her body faded into memories as it became far more difficult to move around with ease, and her breathing had become worse.
When she was admitted to hospital, she could no longer walk, or barley swallow, and her breathing was so laboured that medication and oxygen were not much help. She would stare at the ceiling, clinging to the shell of her old self, waiting forcibly patient for the end to come. She would go to the times in her life that brought her joy, her wedding day, the birth of her daughter, running on the boardwalk, an anniversary trip to Costa Rica, and times with friends.
The time was long now and the life she thought about, seemed distant.
She could hear her family around the room, but was unable to move her head to see them. Her family was crying around her, she was fading, the ceiling seemed to come closer, she tried to keep her eyes open, but they kept closing, then they wouldn't open.
She could feel herself break free of her body and feel herself rise above the bed and her family in the room. They were upset, crying - she wanted to tellthem not o worry that she was better now, but she couldn't, she only rose higher to an unlnown destination, now sepreate from the pain and sorrow that she had carried for the last two and half years.
#Make Me Cry My Heart Out