A Friend

She peppers her speech

with laughter-lilting nothings

masking emotions

behind layers of let's pretend.

Let's pretend, she begs,

that I'm filled to the brim

with joy and friendship,

with a side of sunny-side up sentences

swirling in thick laughter-inflected pauses!

Pauses crack into silences,

the way her face looks

like a dead puppet,

mouth wide and limp,

glittering eyes empty,

relaxed and numb.

I cannot speak to the living as though they were dead.

I cannot mourn a warm body.

And so I am left,

an unwanted hope,

smiling up at what is gone.