‘thank you’ notes

i. there is a rage inside me i cannot tame, and everyone keeps quiet about their own. thank you, silence, for teaching us about burden. thank you for giving the air a voice. thank you for the rage.

ii. there are places i can give my darkness to, and rooms with locks i can trick my demons into entering. when i’m feeling sane enough you can find me smeared in tiny block letters on a static screen, and when i’m not so sane, i pelt out sobs like lyrics to my favorite song, and wait until the walls start feeling. thank you, madness, for my art, for my destruction. thank you for ruining me. thank you for your soul.

iii. envy. aspiration. envy. goal. envy. dream. envy. i know the color of corrosion and poison and toxicity well. my insides are splattered with it. i know the taste like bad medicine, i drink it every day. i know it like a mantra. this is how the chemicals work: they eat you from the inside out until you are nothing but a haunted ghost looking for redemption in all the wrong places. thank you, envy, and more so your brattier little sibling, jealousy, for turning us against each other, for turning me against myself, so that now i know the cure is love and a little rebellion.