steady
are you okay? —
ye—
(no. i am not. at all. help. please)
y-yes i am okay. *smiles* why not?
(of course, I’m not. hey, look. come on. don’t believe me. please. I’m lying. I'm lying. PlEaSE please please please please-)
okay, then. *turning to leave*
(-....)
(..I..)
(..wait..)
.. okay. bye *smiles*
-
fingers drawn into fists. she stands and the other person is turning his back. time is creeping slowly. all she can see is the light spilling in his brown hair, caught in his locks. and he is stepping further away. one steps turns to twenty. and- further further away he is.
-
(hey.. what.. come on. turn around. plea..se)
-
the distance between them doubles then triples. he’s further away. walking away. all she can see is his back.
her heart is pounding in her ribs. her stomach twists.
and her eyes are burning.
-
( you stupid stupid coward. )
-
all she can hear is rush of her blood in her ears. his echoing footsteps. yet.
and she stands. watching sunlight catch in his locks. watches his back. yet.
her fingers are curled into fists. yet.
-
(hey hey hey hey.. stop)
-
she can’t move. and he’s nearly there at the gate.
she won’t be able to catch up.
she won’t be able to shout that loud.
he won’t able to hear.
-
(liar)
-
he’s so close to the gate. yet.
her legs are trembling. yet.
she can’t move. yet.
she can’t do it. yet.
-
yet-
-
then:
a memory.
a sentence.
-
why did I do that? Well... It did hurt but for me, there was something more that hurt to me than breaking my hands. it was losing you.
-
her heart is pounding in her ribs. her stomach twists.
she’s trembling.
but. he is neatly there. yet-
he going away.
-
but then, she takes a step forward. and shouts : “STOP!”
and he does.
he turns around and looks back at her.
all she can hear is the blood rushing in her ears.
-
But. Yet.
-
she takes another step.
-
and another. till she closes the gap between them.
-
and she whispers in a quiet voice.
“No, I’m not okay,”
-
....
'in this world
love has no colour
yet how deeply
my body is stained by yours.'
-- izumi shikibu